Updated: Aug 5, 2020
***To listen to me read this post, click here. (6 minutes, 30 seconds)***
I have a journal that I write in every morning, listing five things I'm grateful for and 10 goals that I plan to achieve in the next 10 years. I write them down like they've already happened. Romans 4:17 says that God "calls those things that are not as though they were." By speaking our dreams and desires out loud - or writing them down - as if they have already happened, we open up new pathways in our minds via our reticular activating system (thank you, Chase the Lion, for that bit of science). Those new pathways raise our awareness of opportunities around us, causing things that seemed so far out of reach to become obvious and attainable.
I've set a goal to become fit and healthy in every way. A couple of years ago, I went back to therapy. As I've written before, I was suffering from PTSD and wanted healing from it, but my main symptom was the weight I'd recently gained. Prior to my last pregnancy, I had done several rounds of The Whole30 and had lost weight and felt pretty good. But so much had happened since then and I felt totally out of control. As we worked through the trauma, we uncovered my very sensitive and empathetic heart. My desire to make everyone feel included and valuable had gotten twisted up somewhere, causing me to think that I needed to make myself less in order to make others feel better.
I have quieted myself, played down my strengths, and allowed myself to be viewed as silly and a little flighty for years - all in a vain attempt to be more acceptable to society. It was an unconscious decision, and it was exhausting.
I recently consulted with a medical practitioner who specializes in healing the root of the problem. He ran his tests, then looked at me with surprise. "Why are you making yourself seem like so much less than you are?"
He went on to describe the things he saw from his scan, the things he said I'm capable of doing but have not been doing. After making myself less for so long, I had started to believe it. Hearing his words stirred up my memory, reminding me of the things I had once believed I could do. With a great sense of urgency, he said, "It's not too late. You need to stop hiding."
And so I return to the goal I have set for myself: to become fit and healthy in every way. IT IS TIME.
I rejoined my local gym in January, shocked from a sudden spike in my A1C that put me firmly into the Type 2 Diabetes category. I've likely had blood sugar issues all of my life, but could alter my lifestyle to keep things balanced. Suddenly, I can't do that any more. Major changes are needed. When Coronavirus hit and the gym had to close, it forced them to rethink how they do things. They sent me an email that said, in part, "your Fusion Team has decided to shift from a “gym-centered” atmosphere and reopen Fusion as the premier fitness coaching and training center in the area. This will allow us to execute our vision and our mission which is focusing on the “whole person” experience - not just the physical, but the mental, spiritual, and emotional aspects of each person as well."
I really liked what I was hearing from them, and my ears perked up with the words that sounded so much like my goal to become fit and healthy in every way. I contacted the owner, Danielle Childs, and affirmed her decision, asking if we could partner together to help our community better understand the results that are available to them if they choose to get involved. She agreed! I had an appointment with their director of training, Jill, and we got all the embarrassing stuff out of the way. Measurements, goals, needs, and a functional movement assessment - along with my first light workout.
As Jill did my assessment, she looked at me confidently and said, "I have a feeling that you're a beast, but you've been hiding it."
I stood up a little straighter then, listening more carefully. She then proceeded to summarize almost exactly what the functional wellness practitioner had told me. I didn't tell her that my "23&Me" DNA report says that I have the fast-twitch muscles of an elite athlete. (That's always seemed way off to me!)
So I am inviting you along with my on my journey into honesty. No more hiding. No more pretending to be something I am not. No more making myself less, which I've discovered only causes those I was trying to help to despise me anyway. Here I am, 44-years-old, in need of more physical strength and stamina to accomplish the things I have been called to do, finally ready to jump in with both feet. I have no goal to reach a number on the scale or a size of clothing.
My goal is to get my blood sugar under control, to have the energy to function at a much higher capacity, and to allow the strength I feel inside to show on the outside. That is going to require some weight loss, and will result in smaller clothing sizes. I'm sure I'll be happy to see those numbers move, but it isn't my main goal.
I plan to add an additional weekly blog post about my health and fitness to my regular weekly posts. Next week, I will share the plan we are starting with, as well as an update on how the first week went. I anticipate that there will be a lot of hard work! As I make progress, I will share that with you as well. For anyone local who is also interested in jumping in with both feet, I welcome your company! Send me a private message and let's do this together!
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