This week, I had to listen to my body and rest. I was frustrated because I've been working so hard and seeing great results, only to be slowed down again. I've been beating myself up internally because
I can never get it all right.
Is it too much to think that each day I might be able to spend time with the Lord in prayer and Bible study, exercise my body, work hard, spend quality time with my children and husband, and get a good night's sleep?
I voiced these frustrations to my counselor, asking her if something might be wrong with me. She pointed out that I'd over-simplified everything I have going on and the ways I expect to succeed (all at the same time). Then she said, "With all the things you actually have going on right now, isn't it to be expected that you're going to have some messes to clean up here and there?
"What if you just accept that as the reality of someone who has so many irons in the fire, deal with the problem presenting itself at the time, and get on with it?"
What a concept!
When I look at the list of things I've taken on in the last few years, I have to shake my head a little. What was I thinking? But what would I drop? In fact, I'd like to do more speaking engagements. I'd like to flip more houses. I'm almost ready to start writing a new book. It was very, very hard for me to restrain myself last month when my favorite Down syndrome organization was asking for applications for new board members and I really wanted to apply. (I didn't, but maybe next time.)
I get down sometimes, wondering what all this hard work is accomplishing, if anything.
There are times when it feels like nothing is going like I think it should go, and I might never see the results I want to see. But when I step back from the momentary frustration and look at the big picture, I can see the change and growth. I can understand what my counselor meant when she said I need to adjust my perspective.
Messes are okay.
They can be cleaned up. Blogs can be posted a day later than planned. Time off from a challenging fitness program doesn't mean failure. No one can hit the mark in every area of their life at all times. It just isn't realistic.
The important thing is not to give up.
The important thing is not to let the insecurities that held me back for so long creep back in again. The only way to do that is to keep my eyes on Jesus and trust that He is taking care of the wind and waves that surround me.
"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength (Phil 4:13)." I just may not be able to do them all at the same time - and that's okay.
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